Fashion Bitching (#19): Oscars 2014

What a difference a year makes. 
So many things have happened since last year's Oscars, 
but few things remained the same.
 I won once again 
(thank you Academy... thank you God... thanks to all my fans... ) 
and the biggest stars of Hollywood posed in front of the cameras and presented us their fashion choices for the red carpet. 
This year was all about sparkling nudes, metallics and bad hair! 
Girls, sometimes it rains... deal with it! 

Jennifer Lawrence in Christian Dior
 Dear Jennifer, after so many bold fashion choices on the red carpet, you decided to come to the Oscars with this boring dress? 
And you do the same trick with the necklace as last year? 
You should claim temporary insanity and we'll try to forget about it... 
Score: 6/10

Portia de Rossi is wearing Naeem Khan
Interesting dress, nice styling, great look. 
Score: 8/10

Amy Adams in Gucci
Dear Amy... 
After all these sassy looks on this year's award season, you come to the Oscars with this boring outfit? Have you fired your hairdesser yet? 
Score: 7/10

Julia Roberts in Givenchy
Ok, this is not the most exciting look of all time, but its Julia... the dress is really nice and she look great! Go Julia! 
Score: 9/10

Sandra Bullock in Alexander McQueen
This is a gorgeous dress. 
But unfortunately the dress is wearing her, she is not wearing the dress. 
Next time Sandra. 
Score: 7/10

Angelina Jolie is wearing Elie Saab
Only Angelina Jolie could wear a dress that makes her look fat and still looks gorgeous in it. And for that, we will hate her forever and ever. 
Score: 8/10

Anne Hathaway in Gucci
Whats going on in Hollywood girls? The rain messed up with your brain? Confused your stylists? 
Otherwise why would you wear the same dress as you wore 
at last year's Oscars?
And no dear, you don't look so good with short hair... We just let you cut it, so you could get an Oscar...  
It's been a year, you can back to your real fashion self... 
Score: 6/10

Cate Blanchett in Armani Prive
Ok, so your stylist told you that sparkling nude is a big trend this year. And you know that even if you wear a trash bag you will look amazing. But couldn't you at least tell your make up artist to add some life to your face? 
Is a red lipstick that terrible?  
Score: 8/10

Camilla Alves in Gabriela Cadena
This is how you rock the pastel color trend... Love it.
 Score: 10/10

Pharell Williams (and his wife) in Lanvin
Here are the explanations for this outfit:
1. The stylist got confused with her 8 years old nephew's outfit. 
2. Pharell doesn't have a mirror in his house. 
3. There's been a terrible mistake with pattern cutting (Maria said that!)
4. Ηε stepped into a pothole and the trousers got dirty. The only thing they could it is to cut it...
5. He is about to replace AC/DC's lead singer... 
Score: 4/10

Julie Delpy in Jenny Packham
 You dont have to be size 0 to look great. An Julie Delpy knows it. 
Score: 9/10

Sally Hawkins in Valentino
Getting ready for the Oscars was a family affair for Sally. Her mother took the curtains down and made the dress. Her grandmother advised her not to show any skin like all the other sluts out there and her cousin made her hair inspired by her idol: Barbie. 
Nice family Sally. 
Score: 5/10

Meryl Streep is wearing Lanvin
A decent outfit and decent hair. What more can you ask from Meryl Streep? 
Score: 7/10

Charlize Theron in Christian Dior
Wow. She looks fabulous. 
I'll pretend I dont see those stripes and that she's not dating Sean Penn... 
Score: 9/10

Emma Watson in Vera Wang
I'm bored. Maybe I'll take a nap... 
Score: 7/10

Jessica Biel in Chanel
Still taking a nap... 
Score: 7/10

Jennifer Garner in Oscar de la Renta
Still sleeping... 
Score: 6/10

Liza Minnelli in vintage Halston
 Well, you didnt have to wake me up with a nightmare!! 
And you, Liza, didn't have to do so many liftings!! 
Soon your face will be pulled to your back! 
Like the bold blue though... 
Score: 5/10

Naomi Watts in Calvin Klein
Were the hairdressers on strike last night? 

Maria Menounos in Johanna Johnson
You want to do the sparkling nude trend and look beautiful? Do it like Maria... 
Score: 9/10

Lupita Nyong'o in Prada
Bold, fresh, beautiful. Lupita has arrived... 
Score: 10/10

Lady Gaga in Atelier Versace
Lady Gaga didnt want to go to the Oscars, but couldn't refuse the invitation. 
So she sent her spooky cousin to replace her... 
Score: 6/10

Kate Hudson in Atelier Versace
Thats how a real star looks like on the red carpet. 
Score: 10/10

Next year we'll be in L.A, right?